I’ve been debating whether or not to post this or not, because I know it’s not gonna be that easy for me to write. But the reason why I am is because if there’s anyone reading this who’s feeling in any way unhappy or unappreciated, I want you to know things will get better. It may not seem that way now, but they will, trust me.

I believe everything in life happens for a reason. That the crosses we carry, the trails we face- it’s not in vain. It’s not pointless. These things happen to make us stronger people. They make us appreciate all the more when things are good. And sometimes what might seem like the worst thing in the world at the time, may actually be a blessing in disguise.

I believe that everyone has a certain path in life, and that no matter what might happen, we’ll end up back on the path that’s meant for us eventually. In terms of science, I think it comparable to Hess’s law in chemistry or to a conservative force in physics- it’s not about the path that’s taken- it’s about getting there in the end.

Maybe that sounds crazy or whatever, but hey it’s what I believe and it’s something that helps me stay positive; that no matter how bad I might feel, there’s a reason for it and things will eventually be okay.

And to show that things can work out okay in the end, I’m gonna write a bit about my own story. Think of it like a case study if you want:

School was a very bad time for me. I can easily say it was the darkest time of my life. I can count on one hand the number of times I felt happy in that place. I loved classes- especially science and maths- I loved and still love learning. But it was lunchtime that I dreaded.

I found it so hard to make friends. I felt people didn’t like me… didn’t want me around. Sometimes they even told me that to my face. I felt like an outsider, a freak. Alone. But then there were times when I thought I had friends and those times were even worse than when I had no one. These friends I had at the time had a way of making me feel like I worthless; everything was always my fault.

At the start I used to skip school by pretending to be sick. Then I didn’t have to pretend anymore because the very thought of school was enough to make me feel physically sick. And when I couldn’t miss any more school days, I started avoiding lunch times best I could by sneaking off school grounds or deliberately not doing homework so I’d get detention.

Sure, running away from my problems seemed like the ultimate solution at the time, but it’s not a solution in the long term. It didn’t matter how hard I tried, I had to face them eventually, and the longer I left it, the harder it was.

I’m not going to say much else about school because to be honest, I don’t like thinking about it. I hated it. I hated people. I hated myself.  And the way I felt back then is a way I never want to feel again. And thankfully I haven’t felt like that since. But to sum it up, I left school with very low self esteem, self worth and this lingering sensation that I’d always be alone.

I was petrified starting college. I was afraid it’d be school all over again just with new people. But it wasn’t. I remember the first day so clearly: standing in the rain with a group of other newbies as the mentor hastily gave us a talk about college life. I borrowed a girl’s pen so I could sign my name in a notepad with the other soon-to-be-students and without much thinking commented that it was a really nice pen. (It was though :P) And she said “I like you- come hang with us”.

The rest is history. I met some of my best friends that day. And it all happened when I complimented a pen! :P

And it wasn’t just that group I became friends with; I’ve made so many amazing friends since starting college. I went from having no one in school to having so many wondeful people that I’m glad are in my life.

I used to think that happiness was just a word in the dictionary between fake and imaginary- that it was something that I couldn’t have- something that I didn’t even deserve. But I was wrong. I was so wrong. Everyone deserves happiness and I believe everyone has a shot at it.

No matter what people may say, no matter what names they call you, what ways they make you feel: you are not worthless and you deserve happiness.

When I was in school, I saw nothing but darkness. If I were to go back in time and tell my past self what I know now, my past self wouldn’t believe that I’d be actually genuinely happy now.

No matter how dark the night might be, don’t forget: every morning begins with a sunrise.

Thanks for reading

-Qcat

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